So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
