1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We don't watch enough power rangers
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
