Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
