WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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