My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
