Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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