So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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