Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
