Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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