I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
