Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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