Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
