someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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