You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
