is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
