He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
