I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
