i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
