I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
