it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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