Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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