Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
