Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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