my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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