but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
