RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
