Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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