making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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