question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
