just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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