Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
