After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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