Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
