i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
