did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
