Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
