He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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