I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
