sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
love makes seman taste better
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
