I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
should my penis look like a turkey
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
