and you said cock pushups were impossible
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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