i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
