Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
