At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
