hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
