remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
