fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just had sex bonerless
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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