the condom got lost in my hair
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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