She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm getting married
To pizza
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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