I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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